HELLO, WORLD

Learning the Ukulele * !

2011-12-24T13:03:00.000-08:00

Hi :)

In the process of expanding my musical horizons, I picked up the ukulele a few days ago. An instrument that sounds like morning rays of sunlight ~~~~~ *

Merry Christmas Eve, world~~

Ai,

Mari

Mree *

2011-11-28T10:43:00.001-08:00

The voice of Marie Hsiao is captivating and inspiring me at the moment . . . Like a cool breeze on a softly sunlit day . . .

I think she is an angel.

Holocene ~ Bon Iver

2011-11-12T07:44:00.001-08:00

A beautiful way to start the morning.

Enjoy *

Still Point ~ Duke Out of the Blue * * *

2011-08-28T06:24:00.001-07:00

New music from ~Duke Out of the Blue~~~ the all-female a cappella group that I've been a member of for four years. Our new album titled Still Point releases Sunday, August 28 (TODAY!), featuring a variety of covers, as well as my first original composition for voice, titled......

It is now available for physical purchase and on iTunes, but the perks of purchasing a physical copy are that you will receive a digipak with six panels full of artwork & love & stardust (designed by yours truly)... not to mention two years' worth of hard work, friendship, and funky syllables manifested into 11 beautifully crafted songs. Here's a 1:50 preview from the song I wrote and arranged for voice~~~~~~~ Please Enjoy~!*

* * take a listen * *

• for your *best* listening experience, use headphones or really good speakers
• more song samples here

Love*

2011-05-02T19:11:00.000-07:00

I thought this was relevant, in light of recent world news.

"Returning hate for hate multiplies hate, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars. Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that."

– Martin Luther King Jr.

Love. Liebe. Aloha. Amore. Ai. :)

Anima*tion Imagination

2010-12-30T15:00:00.001-08:00

As some of you may already know, I took my very first *Animation* class this semester. It was entirely hand-drawn, extremely time-consuming and just SO MUCH FUN! :) Above is a lil' video I put together of a bunch of my first exercises and camera tests, and at the bottom of this post is a link to the final 1-minute film I created. Every frame is an individual drawing or layering of drawings. To bring it to life, we shot our drawings frame-by-frame with an Oxberry 16mm camera at 24 frames per second. Our final film was supposed to be 1 minute in length, roughly 12 drawings per second, not including backgrounds and other layers. Like I said, very time consuming, but ultimately very rewarding!

When I was animating the final piece, I had a rough idea of what I wanted the story to be and what kind of things would *come to life* but I discovered that as I animated, wonderful new ideas would pop into my head and I'd end up drawing something that I never had imagined. I told this to my professor, Mr. Fred Burns, which is when he told me that he believes animation is a lot like dreaming. The very act of animating activates a certain part of your imagination that usual lies dormant . . . like dreaming during a deep sleep . . . . I suppose that's how it is with most acts of creation, but this reminder was a beautiful thought.

It's funny because I never thought I'd get into film-making and moving images, but here I am! Who knows where this will take me... ?

November 11, 2010: My date with the Oxberry to shoot my final film took exactly 6 hours .. whew! *

Cleaned-up scan of my animation slate that appears at the beginning of every exercise. Real-life version + Inverted version ;)

Watch the final film embedded below or watch it fullscreen here:
http://vimeo.com/18097165

*

~*~

2010-12-09T13:40:00.000-08:00

This is a piece of artwork that absolutely must be shared. I can't describe the way I feel right now, beyond the fact that I feel as though it touched a place deep down inside my very being and took my breath away. Beauty sinking into my eyes, and nothing in this moment would make me happier than to share it with your eyes! (*Hello, beautiful people out there!*) Watch full*screen to let it really sink in.

I am beyond inspired.
* * *

*Thank you for sharing, Ezra!*

A friend of the flowers~

2010-11-21T22:24:00.000-08:00

Today a flower
Came into my universe
White like the night

* * *

(11/21/2010 : Today adds up to 8!)

Day of Birth*~

2010-11-07T09:27:00.000-08:00

Thank you everyone for making my birthday such a beautiful day. I am a thankful being !

* * *

(read about the image!)

Love the Earth Film!

2010-11-03T08:55:00.000-07:00

Helloooooooooooo!*!*~~*~*!*
I know it's been FOREVER since my last post. I bet if I were to map out my blog posting record, it'd make a star pattern : clusters of highly active periods and lots of black space in between. . . . . . ^_^ BUT NEVER MIND, I HAVE EXCITING NEWS!!!

I never shared this with very many people, but about a month ago I was notified that some footage I submitted in August had been short-listed for a music/film project that Imogen Heap has been working on called Love the Earth.

Here's an excerpt from Imogen's letter to the world back when she was asking for footage:

Hello you!

I’m so excited about what I’m writing to you about, I can hardly type!

As some of you know already, I’m doing a big gig at the Royal Albert Hall this November 5th. When I was a kid I dreamed of premiering my first orchestral score there and this year I am going to make it happen.

The ‘opening act’ will be yours truly, conducting a piece I’ll have written with a dream team orchestra of friends and fans (will tell you about that later), accompanying a nature film projected on a screen, which hopefully you are going to inspire and bring to life!

The footage will all come from you and we will piece it all together into a magical film.
[...*!*...]
I want the audience to walk out during the interval literally bursting with a fresh love and empathy for our planet. The plan is then for our film to tour the globe virtually and physically. In cinemas and homes, on laptops and phones, for everyone to enjoy.

The Royal Albert Hall event will be streamed so everyone gets to see the film and hear the live orchestral score at the same time on the 5th November (THIS FRIDAY!).

This is the project that I have become a part of... how cool is that?!?!?

If you haven't already done so, watch the video up there (^^^) to get a feel for the grand scale of her ideas and *biiig* heart. To read more about it, go to lovetheearthfilm.org!

And in case you're interested, here's the clip that was selected (fullscreen view is the best) *** photographs of Snow like Stars in the Night. . . . . . . .

I am beyond excited!* :)
And I'm gonna try to blog more often again...!

Haiku*

2010-08-13T14:16:00.000-07:00

I've been writing haiku lately . . . it quiets my mind & helps me organize my millions of thoughts/ideas/rambles/freedoms/squishes(~!*!) into concise "poems" . . . clear little droplets of water . . . Don't get me wrong - sometimes it's awesome to be all over the place and bring on the wild gestures and roaring waterfall (I should know..!), but sometimes it's nice to sit quietly on the river bank & dip a single toe in.

* * *

lighting tiny fires
we crouch inside our mind
rememb'ring everything

* * *

she leaned with the wind
heart beating, hands outstretched, and
tried to catch the moon

* * *

^.~

Suki Meets Frank

2010-08-09T03:04:00.000-07:00

So, although I am no longer in Italy (*tiny tears*), I have decided to keep writing about things that happened there and things that continue to happen . . . Here is the first. I call it by a simple title...

Suki Meets Frank : Another Italian Love Story ^.^

It was love at first sight. Her beauty struck him by surprise...Perhaps because it was his first time meeting another plant... or because these were his very first shy leaves... or maybe she really is just that stunning of a plant... Time froze and so did he.

Let's rewind a bit, shall we?

This is Frank. Frank is a nice basil plant, basilico to be exact. He was a gift to Emmy Shea, fellow artist/photographer that I got to know by living with her this past month. The first thing she said when she introduced me to Frank (who was at the time nameless) was "What am I going to do with it??? THIS PLANT IS GONNA DIE." I couldn't help but laugh, given my new-found love for plants and keeping them alive, and calmly responded. "No, this plant is not going to die. We are going to name it and care for it and it will even grow new leaves." (Frank had only 4 or 5 leaves at the time...a real baby!). I told her to think about it and let me know what she decided to name it.

"FRANK!!!!!!!"
"...huh?"
"I named the plant FRANK!"

This made me happy. This plant will live after all! ** If you say something is going to happen...it most likely will happen. Give a plant negative energy or ignore it completely, and it's bound to die. I think that's common sense. :)
Naturally at this point, I became a parent too and decided I be the father.
(Sidenote: Technically, shouldn't his name be Francesco? I guess you can tell his parents are American.)

This is Suki. She lives at Le Tre Stanze in Florence, Italy currently... I bought her when I was studying abroad in the Fall. She's kind and delicate, yet strong and self-determined. I know because she made it through a long winter without a single flower or sign of green... Yet when I gave the news that I was coming back this summer, Spring was beginning and Suki poked another green finger out. And now look at her again!!! Bravissima fiorellina!!

As it turns out, Emmy and I only had a short time to spend with Frank and once the month was almost over, she contemplated burning him to spare him the pain of abandonment. I literally came home one day to find Emmy sitting on the couch, staring at him solemnly.

"Good thing you just came home; I was about to set Frank on fire!!"

Disaster! (Emmy loves this word ^.^) I suggested that instead of bringing his life to an abrupt end, he should join Suki living at Patrick's B&B. On the girls' last night in Florence (I also had 3 other lovely housemates), Patrick and I cooked a sumptuous dinner (read: so much pasta!) and we ate in the funny little parlor by candlelight. Emmy brought Frank and we introduced him to Suki. The way his pot was set down made us laugh because he was actually leaning away from her! I turned him toward her for the picture, but put him further away from her for the night so he wouldn't feel too uncomfortable. . . Plants need their space too!

Happy Italian/American/Chinese/Swedish/Peruvian/German/Japanese/Chinese Family Portrait...phew!

The next day, I turned his pot and he didn't put up a fight. In fact, it looks to me that they are either falling in love if not already in love!!

So there it is. This story ends with Harmony & of course...AMORE !

^.^

Phew! Glad I got this all is out of my system...! If you liked it, leave a comment! And as always, there are more photos on my flickr!

"Grow Till Tall"

2010-07-21T00:44:00.000-07:00

I've been looking for a way to incorporate music & song into my creative endeavors, so this is my first go! (Seeing Jónsi LIVE TOMORROW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !! !)

A simple performance of one of my favorite songs "Grow Till Tall" by Jónsi ***

Because music has the power to connect us with each other and with the whole universe . . . I hope this video will be a small demonstration of that power!!

Filmed by Patrick John Steiner :)

"covered in stars"

2010-07-20T16:21:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty consistently painting myself with stars and walking around the streets "covered in stars." I don't think most people notice, but sometimes people give funny looks or ask "COSA?" The most interesting part is when I interact with people I know. Sometimes people say that it's absolutely BEAUTIFUL, and that makes me smile and feel like on some level, they just understand, because this isn't the most common reaction. It usually takes a few moments and suddenly I get the "WAIT WHAT?? Is something wrong with your skin?" And I smile all the same because I know the part where I get to explain is coming up & I love explaining what I'm doing. Each time, I could say something different, because there are hours and hours of conversation attached to the ideas that are swirling in my head. The grand theme being that I just start out tracing over freckles & moles! And already, we have these beautiful patterns that look JUST LIKE STARS !!! To me, I can't ignore this. Is it pure chance that we are freckled in the same way as the night sky? Or is there something there...something greater...some obvious thing which has been hidden beneath our noses............. the way I see it, we are all so connected to each other and nature and this thing we call the universe . . . and our true selves, what we just are as individual human beings is beautiful beyond measure !!! . . .

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL BEYOND MEASURE *^.^*

& I mean that!!! This includes EVERYONE. Not a single soul excluded. Think about that one, for me, please ............... :)

I think that if I flood you with my ideas and thoughts all at once, it might be overwhelming **** so! slowly slowly, pole pole, piano piano . . !

Jónsi !!!

2010-07-14T01:32:00.000-07:00

Life can be so magical ... !!*
Let me tell you a story.
For the past 4 months, I've been obsessed with Jónsi. He's the lead singer of Sigur Rós, an Icelandic band that I absolutely ADORE. Possibly my favorite band of all time, if I had to choose. What I loved about Sigur Rós is that I could never understand the actual words (I've heard that half of it is a make-believe language anyway) but I felt like I could . . . I've always felt like I could FEEL it, like it was a language more eloquent than any *real* ones with concrete sentence structure and complex vocabulary. Recently, Jónsi released a solo album called "Go" *** it's a little more upbeat and incorporates actual English. At first, I wasn't so sure I would like it at all, but eventually I got hooked. I've listened to this album at least 40 times & one of the special things is that I've played it almost every single time I've painted anybody. It's like a sudden flood of positive energy, which I embrace so much!!!
In any case, the news is that I am going to see Jónsi LIVE!!!!!!! I found out he was coming to play two shows in Italy, one in Rome & one in Ferrara. I was in shock. I had to get tickets... I had to see him! Walked to the box office with Patrick and within 60 seconds, they were in my hands. It was that easy. . . Now this might not seem like a HUGE deal, but for me, at this moment in my life, loving music, having been singing Jónsi in my head and out loud at any given hour, feeling these waves of positive energy through just recording........it's just going to be so magical live and I am excited beyond belief. . . . Wouldn't that be amazing if he let me paint stars onto him? ? ? (*Giggles*)

This is one of my favorite songs by him. (I'm not allowed to embed it here, but please click the link to listen!!) It's called "GO DO" and it is alive with sounds and colors and bird noises and eeeee! It is so contagious!!! And now I have a new reason to love him, because I can understand some of the words and for the most part, I embrace them whole-heartedly... one of my favorites being :
"WE SHOULD ALWAYS KNOW THAT WE CAN DO ANYTHING"

And it's true. ANYTHING. We can do anything !!!!!!!!!!!! Put your mind to it, summon up positive energy, find the means to do it . . . it's not as hard as it seems. There are a million things we could be thinking about, half of them negative and depressing and upsetting. . . . it's all about what you choose to put your mind to. :)

* * *

In other news, I found this little guy on a shelf in my apartment here. A little piece of home!! Abandoned... "orphaned!" I immediately put him next to my bed, so he could have a little attention and some love. Coincidentally, I just read that my friend Esther Jeohn (whom I spent last summer in Tanzania with!) has a new cactus friend too!! Mine has no name (yet?), right now he's just a pleasant little addition to my bedside table * making my room an even more happy place to live! :)

because i'm from the U.S.A.

2010-07-13T13:21:00.000-07:00

I know this is a little late in bein' posted, but I just wanted to show you the (DELICIOUS) brownies I made from scratch(!) for the 4th of July, celebrated at my new apartment. It's kind of a family tradition ** My mom makes 'em every year, but with cool whip instead of icing... mine were good but hers are better... just kind of a fun thing to do as an "ex-pat" ... ^.^

Yum!
:^)

SUKI IS ALIVE !!!!

2010-07-04T05:48:00.000-07:00

Remember her?!?!?!? Patrick kept her for safe for me at his B&B (Le Tre Stanze!) and she stayed alive!!! She was fading pretty quickly by the time I left in December... Her flowers were all dying and things didn't look too good. I told him that if she didn't survive, she should be taken to the sea and released into the ocean. (So maybe that's a tiny bit dramatic, but it is what I said! ^.^) But I had faith in her & she survived !!! Look at all her new little buds * * she is very much alive & I was SO happy to see her !!

Believe it or not, I have never really been a "plant" person. Suki is the first one I bought for myself... And now I proudly "own" three (you can't really own any piece of the earth!) ** Suki in Italy, "Ishima" (a miniature rose plant), and "Rafiki Tzatziki" (A BONSAI MAPLE TREE!) ... I LOVE MINIATURE THINGGGGGS.

Do you know that I found out that Suki means "I LIKE" in Japanese.... What a perfect name :)
Sono contenta!!!

morning light ** la luce della mattina :)

2010-07-02T14:45:00.000-07:00

Mornings.
One of my favorite things about traveling and having lots o' jetlag. I love the waking up early part where the morning light is saying "hey! let me in!" ... or maybe it's just whisperin'. Those moments where you still feel asleep, like reality mingles with dreaming and soft slumber . . . like something magical is happening . . . like anything could happen.

There are so many beautiful shots of the morning light (la luce della mattina*) ~ I couldn't choose so if you like 'em, there are more on flickr.

All is well so far. The city is as beautiful and alive as ever... It's amazing being able to return to a foreign city and feel so well acquainted. I walked through the open air market yesterday and one of the old men remembered me and shouted out "Ciao!" ... I think I was beaming... it was just a nice experience. Eccolo! My favorite window is still here!!

Italy really is a magical place. . . I think these photos are pure evidence!! I didn't even have to do anything .. just look, breathe, capture.
**

A prestissimo,
Marissa*Katarina

Ritornerò in Italiaaaa !!

2010-06-28T23:04:00.000-07:00

As some of you may or may not know, I am returning to Italy !!! Thanks to an extremely generous Benenson Art Award, I will be studying Advanced Darkroom Photography for 4 weeks and then going on to explore other countries as well. I guess you could call me a "globetrotter" at this point * * I love being on the move & look for almost any opportunity I can to explore!

So, in just a little more than 24 hours, I will be back to wandering alleyways and artist shops , photographing every beauty that makes my heart skip a beat , and seeing faces that I adore !!!

Oh, and of course I'll be looking at the stars often, for continued inspiration :)

we are all made of stardust !! cosmic unveiling . . . ! * *

2010-06-17T14:44:00.000-07:00

HELLO!
TODAY'S THE DAY.
** * ~ We are all made of stardust ~ * * **
IS FINALLY READY FOR YOU TO SEE !!

www.WEAREALLMADEOFSTARDUST.com
A project filled with lots of cosmic matter and twinklings of eyes **

I still don't consider this anywhere near complete...it, like our universe, will be constantly expanding, changing, growing, breathing, loving, . . . this is only the beginning of something HUGE.

I'd love for this project to meet as many eyes as possible. . . To share beauty & spark ideas like wildfire !
So please, if you like it, share it with others to see !

** GO EXPLORE !! **

and as always,
** ENJOY ! **

simple words & memories

2010-06-10T00:50:00.000-07:00

Do you ever look back at things you've done in the past? A half-finished drawing, a sketch of words across a page, a miniature backpack made out of felt, a wrinkled photograph... sight sparks our memory, but the memories themselves are foggy because it's almost too easy. An image will do most of the work for you, because it's just there in front of you eyes. Smell is a different animal. It's like finding an old hatbox, gently blowing off the dust and opening it . .. . an invisible trail rises up through your nostrils and suddenly you're transported somewhere else, months or years ago, ... for a moment you feel exactly like you did 10, 20, 30 years ago ... you hear the music, laughter, dance, *spark*spark*spark -- then it's gone. Smell is a time machine. Crisp and clear, memories so distilled that it can be alarming.

I like the subtlety that old words bring about. Soft pulses . . . quiet heartbeats rather than loud and vivid sparks. Sometimes my memory isn't in the mood to remember the obvious, huge gestures...the milestone events. Sometimes it's the tiniest most insignificant thing that makes me really stop and smile. Go someplace quiet in myself , sit , and remember .

Warm green tea on the first day of spring ~~

Sunlight tumbling through the window .

. The moment when you see a smile before it happens,
that tiny lifting of a corner and deepening of the eyes...

A hummingbird - stopped for an ounce of a second - right before your eyes

. . What seemed like an eternity . . .

. . .

.

i found the following poem i wrote 2 years ago & immediately, little corners started lifting up somewhere deep inside me ... somewhere deep inside me, something smiled.

* * *

July 1, 2008 ~ *

"one & all"

i once knew a man with a song in his heart
his words would shake the trees and twinkles lived in the shadows of his azure eyes

i once knew a girl with a heart like the sea
she wore the moon in her hair and the wind would wrap itself around her shoulders

he was beautiful.
she was beautiful.

they were one & all at the same time.

*

Purkinje Cells, Brains, & ...TREES !

2010-05-29T17:04:00.000-07:00

I still can't help thinking about the millions of connections between the human body and nature...Our brains and our veins especially. . . Maybe it's because I stopped taking "science" classes a long time ago, but all I see when I flip through an Atlas of the Human Body is TREES and RIVERS everywhere. And occasionally if I love what I see tremendously, I reproduce it in my sketchbook, like this little foot * !

These are Purkinje cells : one of the coolest discoveries of my semester. Every single one of us has these inside our heads... ! They are some of the largest cells in the brain and they are many in number AND THEY LOOK EXACTLY LIKE LITTLE TREES!! So essentially we have a forest, all of us, inside our heads. A forest with millions (billions?trillions?) of connections, just sitting there talking to each other !

Sometimes I wonder if people who are studying science start taking for granted the beauty of veins and brain cells and lymph vessels... but that's silly of me, isn't it? Art and science shouldn't be separated !! The artist and the scientist are one and the same. :)

one last thought:
If our brains cells are like trees... then maybe trees are also like brain cells. The brain cells of the earth perhaps? What goes on between the branches of neighboring trees? I've always loved the idea that the trees could communicate with each other and that if you listened carefully, you just might be able to understand them. . . * **

I feel happy when I think about the trees in this way.

:)

P.S. That first image of the rivers came from this AWESOME website:
http://pongsocket.com/earthart
Check it out & be amazed !

this will make your jaw drop *

2010-05-12T12:24:00.000-07:00

I honestly don't know what to say, but that my jaw literally dropped from the beauty captured within this video. There are so many beautiful people out there showing us how much there is to love about life & I thank them! I am thankful for POSITIVE INFLUENCES, good vibrations, ENERGY, waves . . . I AM THANKFUL FOR THE STARS!!!

Enjoy this . . . The beauty has literally flooded my soul, and I hope it does the same for you.

Watch in HD on Vimeo...even more powerful!

SOLAR FLARES

2010-05-11T09:56:00.000-07:00

I showed a friend some of my *we are all made of stardust* beings yesterday and he remarked on the similarity between the hair and solar flares. One thing led to another and by some coincidence of the universe, we discovered that the Astronomy Picture of the Day yesterday was exactly that… !!!

"In recent months, our Sun is becoming increasingly active, following a few years of an unusually dormant solar minimum. Over the next few years our Sun is expected to reach solar maximum and exhibit a dramatic increase in sunspots and all types of solar explosions."

(from APOD 5/10/10)

Look at how connected we are to everything !! ! ! ! ! ! !

WE ARE SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL THAN WE KNOW.

* * *

for your eyes, your beautiful eyes

2010-05-08T10:48:00.001-07:00

These photographs I've taken are visions from my world. They are for your eyes, because those precious eyes of yours deserve to be flooded with beauty and color and light! * * *

Blink*

2010-05-04T19:41:00.000-07:00

Blink* a short film by Marissa Katarina Bergmann on Vimeo.

* * *

Blink* (La Neve) began as an irregularly paced series of photographs of falling snow that evolved into a contemplation of the stars. The snow in its simplicity contains a pure and powerful beauty. This video is magic because here, the snow looks incredibly similar to a star-splattered sky. I hope it mesmerizes the eyes and touches the heart.

The quote at the beginning is Italian, and it means:

" and they loved one another suspended on a thread of snow "

To watch in HD (which is really the best way to view it) follow this link to watch it on Vimeo:
http://vimeo.com/11478258

I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

Star-like *

2010-04-12T07:37:00.000-07:00

Did you know that the earth makes a light pattern like stars? … *!*
(Click to see this image at it's full size & be fully rewarded !!) * * * ** *

* * *

I have a little treasure I'd like to share with you all:

It's called the Astronomy Picture of the Day. Every day there's a new cosmic/astronomical photo and small description and every day it's BEAUTIFUL !!

http://apod.nasa.gov/apod

Depending on when you see this, you might see a different image! There are also archives to browse through...loads of beautiful information at our fingertips!

Enjoy the beauty that is part of this world we belong to. This world we are part of. This world that we are.

(Photos thanks to APOD. !)

We are all made of stardust **

2010-04-04T00:20:00.000-07:00

This is my new art. I've come to think of the body as a canvas... the most precious and beautiful of all canvases because it is ALIVE ! I love the impermanence of spontaneous body art. . . its fleeting nature as a work of art. . . which is why - as much as I enjoy drawing on my body - I have never seriously considered a tattoo for myself. The body is a beautiful canvas in that it is constantly changing, constantly growing new cells as others are shed, healing, moving, beating, pumping... it is ALIVE !!

As of last fall and this semester, I have been increasingly fascinated with star patterns. I grew up seeing these patterns in my hometown sky where the amount of human light pollution is minimal, where I could sit on my driveway and stare at a dark canvas full of white dust/snow/faraway fireflies/stars . . . Stars are everywhere!!

I create the beings I am about to show you by first painting directly onto the human body, photographing, and manipulating via computer. I begin each body by painting stars on top of a person's freckles and then adding to the spaces between. . . I like to think that I'm merely exposing what's already there.

The face represents the peace & serenity that comes with being of one mind with the universe~
The shoulders represent the unity of body with the universe~
The image of a being looking out across space represents the spirit & an active experience with the universe~

Whoever separated "man" and "nature" must have been half-asleep. We are so connected to the earth, the trees, the water, the sky, the stars...! We have the same veins that carry blood to every part of our body, just like trees do. We need water and room to grow, space to breathe. Our bodies are made up of almost the exact same percentage of water as Earth itself. Our eyes are perfect spheres, like small scale models of stars. . . .

The more I think about it, the more I am conﬁdent that the world really is just one big organism. I am just a small scale model of a larger whole.

( we are all made of stardust ** )

Circles & The Number 8

2010-03-21T21:26:00.000-07:00

a drawing from my new sketchbook**a tangle of 8s

So I might have a few obsessions, as you may be able to tell... I like to refer to them as more of "fascinations" rather than obsessions. Trees ** and the number 8. Why??? It began as purely an aesthetic thing. I didn't have a favorite number, so I thought to myself "I like 8...because it looks like an infinity turned on its side!"

∞8∞

An 8 can also be written as 2 circles, one on top of the other...and the circle is a powerful shape. Artists such as Kandinsky recognized the special qualities of the circle in their art...

The circle, he wrote, is “the most modest form, but asserts itself unconditionally.” It is “simultaneously stable and unstable,” “loud and soft,” “a single tension that carries countless tensions within it.”

"Several Circles" by Kandinsky, 1926

This past December, my painting professor (remember Filo?!) sent me this article all about the Meaning of Circles. . . At some point it talks about the circle in nature :

Life as we know it must be lived in the round, and the natural world abounds in circular objects at every scale we can scan. Let a heavenly body get big enough for gravity to weigh in, and you will have yourself a ball. Stars are giant, usually symmetrical balls of radiant gas, while the definition of both a planet like Jupiter and a plutoid like Pluto is a celestial object orbiting a star that is itself massive enough to be largely round.

It goes on to talk about the eye: a perfect sphere inscribed with perfectly circular irises pierced by circular pupils.

“The shape of any object represents the balance of two opposing forces. You get things that are round when those forces are isotropic, that is, felt equally in all directions.”

So, there is a b a l a n c e that exists within the circle and the sphere... a balance in every direction. This idea is so interesting to me !!

Just some things to think about . . . *

( read the whole article here )

winter! **

2010-03-02T15:39:00.001-08:00

Originally uploaded by Lero !!

Okay, so this first one isn't my photo, but I kind of gasped when I saw it... A miniature snowman !!! So cute.

Word on the street - it might snow again tomorrow! Last time it snowed, we had a big snowball fight around the tree outside :)

The snow reminds me of the stars.

** *

*

* * * * * *
*
**
*

Meet Inkiko (^.^) !!

2010-02-26T08:20:00.000-08:00

This is my new Japanese cat friend! Isn't he just adorable?!! I named him Inkiko because it looks like he's got a little inkblot on his forehead...it's like a hybrid English-Japanese name that can be said in a really cute voice! ... "Inkiko! Inkiko!" ... He's a miniature "Maneki Neko" that I bought at the Grand Asia Market about 20 minutes away... I love Inkiko because I'm not allergic to him and when I pick him up he makes me speak gibberish because he's just so darn cuuuuute !!! ^.^

Traditionally, "Lucky Cats" like these are meant to bring money and fortune. That's why his right paw's up in the air. But Inkiko just sits next to my bed with that cute little smile and the world is okay. :)

Japanese!!

2010-02-21T21:24:00.000-08:00

I started teaching myself Japanese!! For months, people have been telling me that so much of what I do (especially in regards to my art) is very "East Asian" as are many of my thoughts and "philosophies" on life. I'd been feeling "unbalanced" in terms of my ethnicity. . . Don't get me wrong, I love my other half too, but I just feel like there's so much I don't know about my roots, where I come from. I'm going to change this by slowly exploring ~^_^~

So far I've learned the Hiragana syllabary :

あいうえお
かきくけこ
さしすせそ
たちつてと
なにぬねの
はひふへほ
まみむめも
やゆよ
らりるれろ
わを
ん

and some Katakana too !

アイウエオ
カキクケコ

I don't know what it is, but I just find all these characters adorable. I love the little curves and loops and circular motion that's visible in many of them. My favorite character is the vowel "O" : お !

I love that you can see the energy of the second to last stroke which carries into the final tick mark. It's not just a random line...it's connected to the whole !

The other thing I love about the language is a little something referred to as "ten-ten" from the word dakuten which can be understood as "softening marks." When added to a character, the consonant becomes less hard ** i.e. the "k-" sound becomes a softer "g-", "t-" becomes "d-", and so on.

I like to hold up two fingers next to my face in imitation of these marks. **!!**

Some things I can write/say/spell:
Ohayou gozaimasu (Good morning) おはようございます
Hajimemashite (Nice to meet you) はじめまして
まりさ (ma ri sa, Hiragana) or まりっさ (* the small 'tsu' っ indicates a double consonant)
たまこ(ta ma ko, my grandmother's name !!)
みずです。(It is water or I am water or You are water -- I want to learn how to say We are all water next!)

Hooray for learning things independently !!

***

2010-01-31T07:34:00.000-08:00

Hi world,
I'm back !! With the intention of purely sharing beautiful things with people all over the world. Here you will find thoughts and photographs and the occasional update on what I may be doing... I am not interested in negativity nor routine and convention. I am interested in the spontaneity of this moment, right now, here it is. Each fraction of a second : a spark, an opportunity, a precious, fragile, beautiful thing.

I am interested in LIGHT. Magic. Science. ** TREES. Breathing. Snow. The Sky and all its friends (sun! moon! clouds! rain!) Stars and sparks. Like a parade of light that flies through the bayou, like those tiny lights that speckle faces in Avatar. Poetry. Snow.

Simplicity.

and as always : LOVE.

Once in a Blue Moon!

2009-12-31T19:43:00.000-08:00

Tonight is the last night of 2009 (on this side of the world at least) and guess what else it is... a blue moon!! Ever wonder where the phrase comes from? A blue moon refers to the second full moon within one month. We had a full moon on December 2nd and now again today! And the fact that it's on New Years Eve is special as well, because that won't happen again until 2028!

I've been in love with the moon for a long time now... I've always said that I'm happiest with my face to the wind, with the ones I love, or underneath the moon. I toast to her tonight ! :)

(image from google image search: not my own!)

light from my camera **

2009-12-30T12:20:00.000-08:00

The following photographs were all taken in Italy. Somehow, I'd like them to be paired with as few words as possible, as the main theme throughout all my photography is more of what you can feel than what you can see. Taken with my 35mm Pentax on black & white film and developed by my own two hands. I think you can really feel the connection I have with these images. I will leave plenty of white space in between them , room for * * breathing * *

bisbigli della mattina

( whispers of the morning )

when the moon sails out

we breathe

silently

Buon Natale, Mondo!

2009-12-25T12:01:00.000-08:00

Some people, as far as the senses are concerned, just feel like home.
~Megan Beardsley, a girl in my book making class this past fall

"Merry Christmas, World!"
from Marissa and the baby snowmen and all the little stars **

Aren't you happy to know that I am still making miniature things?

One of my favorite Italian words: stellina* (little star)

I never forget the places I've been. :)

I knew it !!

2009-12-18T16:45:00.000-08:00

Word on the street : It is officially snowing in Firenze !! I knew it would happen!! I knew it! How many doubted me? "It doesn't snow here, every 5 years maybe!" I'm ecstatic for the Florentines, but also melancholy because I didn't get to see it with my own eyes. I wonder if all those times I wrote "neve, vieni **" on the fogging windows helped too. If only that worked in the desert too ;)

Photos from Lorenzo! Che bellissimo!! Che magico! I am so happy !!!

Memories in Visual Form

2009-12-17T14:54:00.000-08:00

The Soul

2009-12-16T10:35:00.000-08:00

I heard once that certain Native American tribes used to be afraid of cars and airplanes because they moved at such speeds that the soul got left behind and would need time to catch up.

I think I'm catching up slowly.

Neve.

2009-12-08T00:28:00.000-08:00

It is possible that it will be snowing my last two days here !!!!!!!!
Che magico!! **

* * *
The night before I found this magical news out, I read the first page of a novel by Maxence Fermine titled Neve. Neve means "snow." People are doubting me, but I know it will snow! I believe it will happen. . .

Vento invernale
Un monaco scinto
Cammina nel bosco

~ Issa

La neve è una poesia. Una poesia che cade dalle nuvole in fiocchi bianchi e leggeri. Questa poesia arriva dalle labra del cielo, dalla mano di Dio.

(The snow is a poem. A poem that falls from the clouds in weightless white flakes. This poem arrives from the lips of the sky, from the hand of God.)

Tiny Worlds **

2009-11-30T15:59:00.000-08:00

I have always had a fascination for tiny things. Raindrops, dollhouses, pieces of glitter, "silt" that you could find on the playground, pocket-sized board games, teenie beanie babies(!!), rainbow sprinkles, tiny kids with their miniature features! and so on. When I was younger I used to make tiny things out of clay, felt, toothpicks...anything I could think of, really. I even wounded my hand early one morning when I was 8 making a house out of popsicle sticks. I don't know why, I just LOVE miniature things. I still do!!

Tiny photographic prints... your first peek at my black & white photos!!

One of my many ideas is to make miniature worlds... fare mondi piccoli. I want to create places where we can all go and have a smile. It began with two medium-sized paintings of tree branches, intricately sculpted, reaching, growing, breathing. . . You can't really tell from this photograph, but the branches have become 3-dimensional rather than flat. I literally build them up to the point where the paint casts shadows on itself under bright lights.

On November 5th, I went to an art store with the intention of buying a huge canvas to try my luck at working large. I came out with 17 canvases ranging in size from 4x6 cm to 6x7 cm. As soon as I saw them, I knew I had to bring them to life!! It was too perfect for words.

Not even the canvas could escape the snow!

A fairy's home, perhaps.

Vallee says this one looks just like a Colorado morning sky on the first day of snow.

These painting turned into a cohesive piece, which was exhibited in the art gallery at my school.

Did you know that we have 33 vertebrae? 7 of which connect our body to our head and through which blood is carried to the brain. . . pretty important stuff, right? ;)

The response was generally good, lots of "They're so adorable!" But the best compliment I received by far was something along the lines of . . ."I love your trees. I want to be there."

...I love trees too... ^.^

(and as always, there are more photos on my flickr!)

Thanksgiving, Italian/Filo-Style

2009-11-27T01:31:00.000-08:00

Last night, my painting professor Lorenzo (Remember the "Filo"?) invited us all over for Thanksgiving to see his house and studio. Never before have I seen a house so unique, so full of character, so full of love. Filo & primary colors literally everywhere ~ I kept smiling at every new discovery. It was a warm experience, being in a real home again and I can quite honestly say that never before have I ever celebrated Thanksgiving with . . . PIZZA! :D

Our class standing in Lorenzo's Studio. I wish I could describe how much BLUE, YELLOW, RED there is everywhere!

Book Arts ~ "L'arte del libro"

2009-11-23T07:14:00.000-08:00

Have I told you that I am learning how to make books? Yes. As in, fabricate a book from scratch. Each piece of paper must be cut down to the size you want, even the board to make hard covers. All you really need aside from paper & hard board is a ruler, a razor, a cutting board, a "bone" tool for folding, an awl for poking holes, glue, needles, and thread. The possibilities are endless.

I started with these little guys. Very simple. A heavy-ish paper (Canson) + computer weight paper + thread! Comes out like a little pamphlet. I made an extra one for fun. He's green and I use him for taking notes in Italian class. (Capisci l'italiano?)

This is a sketchbook I made toward the beginning of the semester. It's called an accordion book, as the paper folds back and forth...like an accordion! (There is a man who regularly plays the accordion on my street!) I've realized that accordion structures can easily become sculpture too. ^.^

...and my personal favorite so far... the *Japanese* binding! I made the hardcover case as well as the pink/yellow/blue papers myself.

(more photos on my flickr*)

Fairies, Sparks, Ideas **

2009-11-19T01:42:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning and made an idea box. I'm the kind of person who writes down thoughts and ideas and names on any kind of paper I can find. Usually I carry a notebook around with me, but I've found myself writing on all sorts of scraps lately...so I decided to make this little central location for all of them to meet and mix and mingle and grow. What's funny is that I usually find that all my ideas and goals somehow find a way to manifest themselves and become reality. . . I really believe in the power of the mind to MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.

For instance, there have been a few mosquitoes returning to our apartment recently, but I haven't gotten one bite yet. When I see them, I don't duck away I just acknowledge their presence and they don't touch me. Sometimes I even say "hello."

I lit 9 sparklers in my room and took photos and videos which I will one day make use of. I've had this idea for a while... it's like magic!! Sparks flying! What about in slow motion?? Or super fast? I'm letting this idea sit for now, but I think about these tiny sparks often. Perhaps that's why I'm so fond of the Asterisk key ** * * * * * *! ! *! * *! *!! *

(see larger!)

By the way, did you know that "Fairy Bread" is a popular snack in Australia? Wonderbread + Butter + Sprinkles a.k.a "100s and 1000s"-- Delicious?!

(*This fairy bread was made by Millie*)

I swim in music.

2009-11-14T00:32:00.000-08:00

Last night after going out for some amazing pizza (apple & gorgonzola, anyone? it's my favorite) a group of us happened upon Santa Croce, a church that is close to the Arno River. There was an unseen organist playing and so we all sat down in the pews and began to listen. It honestly felt like the entire room was just filled with music, like we were floating and at the same time so grounded, like we were inside music. Like the music was water, YES! I just had this realization now, after actually experiencing it! It felt like the music... was... water. Filling a room. Music is water that you can breathe in! It was exhilarating and wonderful and everyone was silent, just sitting there and listening to the music. Imagine it & you can be there too!! ~~ We should always use our imaginations :)

By the way, here is the link to the song that I referred to in the last post. The video itself is a little strange, so I suggest just listening to the song. Although I love videos pairing music and sound, I'm not always interested in the idea of putting visuals to music... It's just beautiful on its own.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AiAwYSsQ7JE

Music should always be loud so we can feel its vibrations and at the same time as soft as a whisper. I love seemingly opposing phrases. . . They've always made sense to me.

*Hugs*

il vento (the wind)

2009-11-12T04:25:00.000-08:00

Vorrei imparare dal vento a respirare,
I want to learn from the wind how to breathe . . .

dalla pioggia a cadere,
from the rain how to fall . . .

dalla corrente a portare le cose dove non vogliono andare
from the currents how to carry the things where they don't want to go . . .

e avere la pazienza della onde di andare e venire,
ricominciare a fluire . . .
and to have the patience of the waves that come and go,
to begin to flow again. . .

I found these lovely tree*spirits in Fiesole. Doesn't it look like they are dancing with each other? They ARE. :)

One-Line stories

2009-11-09T23:55:00.000-08:00

She was like the balloon
. . . except she never got stuck.

**

2009-11-05T04:01:00.000-08:00

I turn 20 tomorrow in this city.

I am the author of my own life. I can make my dreams come true.
La vita è bella! **
Photo: 31 marzo 2007

inspired by music & the sea

2009-10-31T13:27:00.000-07:00

We need to be like water. When water comes across a stone, it doesn't stop and wonder "should I go back? should I go forward? should I stay here?" It simply continues on its way in one fluid motion. Water is powerful, water is calm. It can be anything... we can be anything.

an excerpt from my journal mid-september-ish, shortly after a trip to Viareggio (a nearby beach) ** addressed to no one & everyone in specific.

i want to feel alive like this song, each pulse and my heart lifts, lifts until it reaches the point where it feels like it's going to burst but instead you sing & the song just comes out, breathing disappears between the notes and surfaces like your lungs gasping for air in the sea, the breeze feels colder on your wet face, your hair clings to your body and you are facing the sun, a perfect path illuminated and dancing on the water's surface, only broken by our bodies, chests rising and falling, a foot peeking out, toes wiggling, the water tickles and pulls and shimmers into every pore of your skin, the sunlight melts, you become the sun and the water and the waves and the breaths, gasps, you are alive

You are alive & you are perfect.

just remembering...

2009-10-28T05:45:00.000-07:00

(click to see larger)

we were all just breathing**

A fantastic song

2009-10-26T15:11:00.001-07:00

Music makes my heart beat faster.

:o)

2009-10-22T22:57:00.000-07:00

I visited the Alinari Museum of Photography this past week. It was fabulous, but honestly the best part of the entire exhibit was this little "Ferrania" guy.How could I not smile back? (^.^)

Sun & Water

2009-10-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

Speaking of the sun and the water... here is a sneak peek of my current paintings in progress.

Dear Tanzania

2009-10-18T01:32:00.000-07:00

Dear Tanzania,
I miss you every day. There has not been a single day (I do not exaggerate this point!) where I have not mentioned you out loud. . . Whether it's a Swahili word or phrase, a memory of a person, a whispered "pole pole" to myself. . . you remain in my thoughts, my mind, my heart, my very being. I still listen to the songs. "Nimechoka" -- beep! beep! "La Vie en Rose" as sung by Humphrey, Angel, Munira, Winifrida, and so many more!

And just the other day, we had a toga-themed birthday celebration. I wasn't going to partake in the dressing up until someone threw my kitenge (which has been playing with the wind on our balcony for the past month) in my direction and that little lightbulb popped up over my head. "OF COURSE!" I thought. And that was the first time I actually used my kitenge for its common purpose -- clothing!

I felt so alive and full of energy wearing the sun and the water on my body. . .

Haraka haraka haina baracka. (HASTE HASTE HAS NO BLESSING) I still repeat it to myself. Those words have burrowed their way through my skin, into my heart, the blood in my veins. When you slow down, not only does breathing become easier, but you can start to focus on it...

And! The beautiful thing is that
I am breathing,
YOU are breathing,
She is breathing,
He is breathing,
Animals are breathing,
Fish are breathing,
The tree is breathing,
The birds are breathing,
The sky, wind, water, fire, sun, stars, moons, pebbles, grass, .. . . . . .

WE ARE ALL BREATHING.

Oops...

2009-10-12T16:19:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, burn-victim Suki :-[
It won't happen again!!

BLUE . YELLOW . RED

2009-10-09T04:07:00.000-07:00

This is "Filo." It's what my painting professor Lorenzo Pezzatini does. This is his art. Covering filo (thread) with paint, touching paint to paint, recognizing paint as matter and creating something extremely tactile that can be approached by the viewer in so many more ways that just standing in front of a canvas. The above photo is just an extremely close up shot of a thread which could be 100s of meters long. . . You begin to realize that each little "spike" is unique. He only uses the primary colors : blue , yellow , & red (always in that order). To hold it in my hands was a little joy, like a bunch of happiness tickling my skin... you'd have to feel it in your own hands to understand.

THE STORY BEHIND THE SHOES: I was given these old shoes just last weekend. I picked them out of a box of about 10 pairs. They once belonged to a woman who bought them in a vintage shop in Los Angeles...what a small world! This happened within just 3 days of me learning what "FILO" was. . . I didn't choose them because of Filo, but because they were one of the only pairs that fit me. I wore them to class the next Monday and needless to say, Lorenzo noticed immediately!! !

The more I live, the more I'm convinced that
nothing happens by coincidence.

( click to see more photos from my Advanced Painting Class )

just sitting

2009-10-07T15:26:00.000-07:00

I was just sitting on a random street curb with two dear friends, looking at my photography binder and showing contact sheets, prints, negatives, test strips. . . it's funny how I didn't even think anything of it at first. It just seemed ... so natural. Sitting on the street. Black and white photographs printed with my own two hands. Night sky above. Red yellow blue shoes. Breathing.

I promise to share some soon.

Family ** 家族

2009-10-05T23:50:00.000-07:00

I just got an email from my brother!!!!!!
And just a couple days ago, I found out that my cousin and his wife will be coming here!!! I will see FAMILY! It was honestly such a huge surprise and happy feeling when I heard! There are so many of you, and I love you all!!

So many exclamation points...They are necessary to express my happiness!

No matter where I go, you guys stay with me. All of you.
Right here ** Close to my heart.

You guys and everyone before us. You are all part of

where I come from.

Meet Suki ^.^

2009-09-29T10:40:00.001-07:00

I bought this lovely plant on Sunday. I call her "Suki." She's a dendrobium orchid, still a baby. Tiny adorable flowers, two of which are wilting a little bit, and with leaves a little brown but I hope to revive her. I sang "Moon River" the other morning, and I think she liked it. She'll grow strong with me :)

(see more)

reflection on photography

2009-09-24T07:13:00.000-07:00

It’s true that we are never physically able to see with our own eyes that “neat slice of time,” that isolated 100th of a second, for the world is constantly in motion for us. Who hasn’t found themselves swallowed in a moment wishing that just this once, time would stop, freeze, stand still like the undisturbed water of a lake in autumn. We want it to stand still because we want to hold onto it; we want it in our hands so we can really look at it, feel it, caress it, live inside it forever. In that sense, a photograph fulfills this fantasy better than anything that’s been invented thus far. A fraction of time neatly preserved and *gasp!* we can hold it in our hands and gaze for hours, if we so wish.

To me, photography is so much more than just that. It is an extension of reality, a projection of the emotion and breath and life of everything that surrounds us. While I see the “ugly” insensitive side of photography that Sontag points to, I feel that the ways in which I use photography and choose to look at photographs is very different. It isn’t violent or exploitive or obsessive compulsive, but more of the sentimental “twilight” art that she also mentions…an art that is indeed “implicitly magical.”

It’s true that we experience a sensory overload of visual stimulus, more so now than ever before. Living in such environments, we begin just to see, and not to look. We become passive ! We see the beautiful girls and the exotic two-dimensional scenes before we see the birds that fly overhead, the tree that whispers to its neighbor, the raindrop that dances feverishly in the accumulating puddle across from the bakery where the keeper’s daughter wears a striped pink and orange sweater in the middle of summer. And even when we see these, we do not pause longer to look. Holding the camera reminds me to slow down, to look and to appreciate, to imagine and to feel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . to breathe.

THE ULTIMATE WISDOM OF THE PHOTOGRAPHIC IMAGE IS TO SAY:
“THERE IS THE SURFACE. NOW THINK—OR RATHER FEEL—WHAT IS BEYOND IT”

p.s. sono un albero.
(i * a m * a * t r e e)

l'italiano

2009-09-21T14:49:00.000-07:00

The more languages and cultures I am exposed to, the more I learn to appreciate their subtleties and differences...especially the simple things. With Swahili, I appreciated the simplicity of the verb "to be" which was always just "ni" no matter the subject. I appreciated how words sounded like they were spelled and how it was (to a certain extent) genderless. No he/she, just "yeye." And here, I appreciate the flow of Italian and the simplicity of creating plurals (relative to German at least!) Every language has it's easy and difficult parts, but you learn to appreciate the best of each. It's the same way with culture. Learn to appreciate more often than complain, and we will go far.

An Italian-speaking girl asked me for directions today. I was flattered but had to respond "non lo so, mi dispiace!" indicating that I had no clue. But still, that must be a good sign :)

Tiny kitchen, endless possibilities.

2009-09-20T11:28:00.000-07:00

Cooking has become a daily activity. Food is good everywhere, but expensive... So, we cook! When possible, I try to cook as healthy as possible, true to the way I was raised. Lots of fresh vegetables, fruits, garlic, and very little olive oil. Ezra always looks at my pan & predicts I'll need more (which I usually do). I've moved on from eggplant as a favorite dish to zucchini. If you slice it thinly, prepared with lots of onions, garlic, basil, tomato, & herbs, it comes out delicious. Red wine usually goes really well with the food after all that preparation. . .

Yesterday we decided to have a cooking challenge of sorts. Everyone had to make a dinner dish, the only rule being that you must use oranges. Ezra made chicken fried with thin orange peels, Justin baked chicken with chunks of orange peel and ham on top, and I made a zucchini/mixed vegetable dish with actual pieces of orange. Millie was the judge, but everything was so good that we ended up just all praising each other and high-fiving by candlelight or something romantic like that.

P.s. In case you were wondering, these are all pictures of food I made! :)

inspiration

2009-09-19T19:37:00.000-07:00

( photos by laura gommans )

a beautiful thought.

2009-09-18T01:29:00.000-07:00

We look at the water, the stars, the skies, the trees and marvel at their beauty. . . If everything really is one, we ourselves are made up of the same stuff as the water! stars! skies! trees! why don't we look at ourselves the same way? Aren't we just as beautiful?

***

Painting

2009-09-18T01:11:00.000-07:00

I am too passionate about everything I've found myself engaged in recently, so I'll have to concentrate on one thing at a time. Today, it will be painting.

I stretched and gessoed my first canvas yesterday. It should be dry and ready for painting today! I also started my first oil painting. It's small and the background is painted my favorite shade of yellow. Like a light leak on color film. My painting class lasts 3 hours twice a week at the 'intermediate/advanced' level. All that really means is that you get to take your work in any which direction you want... whether it be oils, acrylics, still lives, portraits, installation pieces. No concrete assignments, but rather a space where each one of us has the freedom to create. There are 9 of us, working in one large room, just painting. The first stroke felt like my mind was flowing out, the brush becoming an extension of my arm ~~ the colors that I see shooting through my fingertips! Nothing to stop me. So far, my favorite shade of yellow and a mesh of tree fingers. . . and love.

( the color of the sun ** )

Magic. ***

2009-09-15T14:44:00.000-07:00

"I like to believe that life can be magic."

Ciao, Firenze

2009-09-12T16:24:00.000-07:00

How do I possibly go about summarizing the past week and a half?? So much has happened, and I've only given you a glimpse of my room (as well as some lasting ties -- pun intended? -- from dear old Tanzania). I can't do everything justice in one long post, so you'll have to keep checking back. THERE IS JUST TOO MUCH TO WRITE ABOUT! ! !

For one, I love my housemates! There are 5 of us, and I am happy because in a program made up 95% of American students, I live with Millie who is from Australia, Justin & Justine (confusing at first) from Malta (a small island south of Italy) and Ezra from southern California. They are collectively and entirely awesome. We get along :) We also got lucky on the housing spectrum and moved into an apartment that at first appeared a mansion. Two floors (well, kind of) and a rooftop with quite the view. We eat lunch up there sometimes.

My ceiling. This is what I see when I look up while lying on my bed.

Neighbors below us...shh !

"This happened."

2009-09-12T16:12:00.000-07:00

I was electronically proposed to last week by a teacher in Tanzania.
...Need I say more??

From Blue Walls to Pink

2009-09-10T13:24:00.000-07:00

And now it's time to update. I regret that it must be in such an impersonal way, but as I find myself wishing to share my experiences with so many people, and with as little time on my hands as I have and will have, it seems this will be one resort to sharing my experiences with you, whoever you may be.

As you may recall, my Tanzanian room at Guta's apartments had an overall dreamy blue look in the mornings. My room has become my space. The more I move around, the more I feel like I need a niche. I care for it, make it a place where I feel comfortable .. whether doodling, listening to music, staring at the ceiling, singing, stretching, or falling asleep. . . I glimpse it to you here.

Glimpse.

From this (which I will never forget) . . .

to this

** both like dreams, only this one has just begun.

Airmail

2009-09-01T06:37:00.000-07:00

Sent out 2 packages to Arusha, Tanzania with Italian postage today.
I am missing those kids every day.

Musiki!

2009-08-13T23:52:00.000-07:00

Throughout my time in Arusha, Andrew and I taught a "music class" of sort, which I've mentioned in previous posts. It turned out to be more lyric composition/attempts to imitate instruments with the voice/trying to encourage students to rap. Of course, it didn't turn out the way we expected, but the result was nonetheless awesome. We ended up putting together a CD, complete with 16 tracks! The image above is the album art (graciously designed by Nick). On our second to last day in Arusha, I took the students to the nearest laptop (we had to search for this one) and ended up in a woman's living room, about 25 students crammed into this tiny space, listening to our melodies and beats one by one. . .

Attached are links to hear select tracks. I'll let the music speak for itself. :)

"In the Jungle" (Everyone, featuring Humphrey Mrema)
"Drumbeat Poetry" (Jackline, Herriet, & Munira)

and my personal FAVORITE,
"LA VIE EN ROSE" (Everyone, featuring Louis Armstrong *wink*)

Swifty SCOO

2009-08-05T03:19:00.000-07:00

My first video upload. Possibly my happiest memories of Tanzania captured right here. Filmed on my last morning in Arusha, to be written about in detail soon!

a good moment.

2009-08-05T02:57:00.001-07:00

The happiest I've felt since I got home (after seeing my family of course) is when I got into a taxicab. The driver's name was Ali, and at once I exclaimed something about Ali back in Arusha, Tanzania. My favorite taxi driver in all of Arusha was by far Ali. He spoke close to no English, so I learned much of my Kiswahili from talking to him. He was always teaching me new words and always good-natured and fun to drive with. One time, I was in a rush since I had made him wait outside, so I hurried into the car, shutting the door on my skirt and it was just this hilarious moment because he looked sincerely perplexed as to why I was hurrying and getting my skirt all caught and said "Ooooh, pole pole!" (Slowly, slowly!) --- Wow, I get so sidetracked. Always! Anywho, after ranting about the name Ali, I asked him where he was from and he said Somalia. . . WHERE MOHAMED'S FAMILY IS FROM! I about died, spat out the two phrases I know in Somali and he was floored. He also told me he had lived in Kenya, at which point I about flew out of the car with the ecstatic realization that he spoke Kiswahili "UNASEMAJE KISWAHILI!?!" AND WE HAD A CONVERSATION. My entire face was a smile as we chattered, and I asked him if he could pick me up in a couple hours since I wasn't familiar with the city. When I called him, I used some Kiswahili as well and it was just like I was back in Arusha :)

My thank you note to Ali + signature cartoons. ^__^

2009-08-04T01:29:00.000-07:00

i miss this.

pole pole .

Haraka haraka haina baracka

2009-08-04T01:17:00.000-07:00

Back in the states. Let's talk about culture shock. Not because I particularly love the phrase, but because this is much more of a "culture shock" to return than it was to arrive in Tanzania.

The cars go so fast.
So many traffic lights. (There was only ONE in all of Arusha.)
I feel naked wearing a dress that comes to my knees.
I can eat ice? and lettuce?
I can use sink water to brush my teeth?
A bottle of water costs HOW much???
How is everything so clean? Why is everything so clean?
Are you really in that much of a hurry?
Pennies are so small and skinny. The dollar looks weird to me.
Money is just paper. Where does it get its value? Why do people lust for it?

Here, Life is no longer LIVING; it is a game that can only be won if you have money.

EXCERPT FROM MY JOURNAL~
August 1, 2009
10:04 a.m.

I am sitting in the Amsterdam Schiphol airport, totally alone. Talk about "culture shock" ... where is all the dirt on the walls? the toothpicks? the pole pole? "Everyone is so haracka here!" We just wanted to wander. Everything is so sterile and clean and EVERYTHING HAS A LABEL. "Lounge" "Perfume" "Chocolates" "McDonalds" ... whaaaaaat is going on. So much to look at, so much to buy... it's utterly overwhelming. Walking home at the end of the day, the only things you could buy were mahindi or machungwa ...

There are so many people I didn't get to say goodbye to... I can't think about it or I'll cry. And the people I did say goodbye to, those I will miss so much. Warda, Frida, Agatha, Lucky, Bless, Ibrahim, Levina, Fauzia, Noor, Zahir, dear dear Lashma... and so many others. You are all so very precious to me and have taught me so much. You are all truly so kind and welcoming. Your smiles are my smile.

***

Haraka haraka haina baraka.
Haste haste has no blessings.

( s h a d o w s )

2009-08-02T03:14:00.001-07:00

Shadows.
I enjoy watching shadows. Shadows, cast from light. There can be no shadow without light, no? Playing with shadows... bigger, smaller, this shape, that shape. Playing with the shadow is less dangerous than the real thing. . . like fire. And people. . . Sometimes I just need to be alone ~ space ~ where I can be still, speaking no words, to just sit, stand, walk, think, breathe, look, see, imagine.
Today I was thinking about constellations. *** I was standing there underneath the bright breaths of light, just looking... captivated. Not grouping or identifying any clusters, just looking, seeing, gazing . . . I was asking myself why we must always try to define forms, shapes, make sense of things...dissect parts from the whole!! I have always had a real fascination for the sky, especially at night, but for some reason whenever I open up a star-gazing book or astronomy text, I get bored. I get bored of looking at all the maps and graphs of the sky... so flat and static... so plain and emotionless. When I behold the true sky above me, sometimes I tremble, my heart beats a breeze faster, my breathing slows down and wakes me from passive existence, the slumber of everyday life. . . I feel the same way about maps... geography... perfect lines indicating borders. This is California, this is Michigan. This is Tanzania, this is Ethiopia. This is Europe, this is Asia ... when it comes down to it, it's all just land. Beautiful land, people, cultures . . . we are all so different, but oh how similar we all are .

"Behind the Scenes"

2009-08-02T03:09:00.000-07:00

1) film canisters containing negatives from swifts
2) mini pink portable canon printer for printing 4x6's

SWIFTS CLASS 6

2009-07-29T03:21:00.000-07:00

My homestay at Swifts ended this weekend. Bittersweet. I believe I've expressed how much I love the children at Swifts. Especially after all the "abuse" from children on the streets I've received lately, I'd arrive "home" to a yard full of boarders who'd unfailingly begin shouting "Hi Ma-REE-ssa! LTP! LTP!" I do believe some of the children have forgotten my name entirely, because sometimes they even shout "Hi LTP! Good e-ve-ning LTP!" It's precious, and it puts a huge smile on my face.

I've now visited around 8 schools and have taught at 3, and can safely say that the kids at Swifts are definitely unique. Collectively they have a quiet energy that can be felt the longer you stay with them. They possess an understanding of each other and compassion that I didn't see at other schools. They won't maul you if you're a visitor, and they always would share the camera during our LTP projects, which was semi-miraculous in comparison to experiences at other schools. The children range from age 3 to 14, but for the most part they are all together, making Swifts feel like an actual community.

Mama Safia is the one that started the school a while back. The school was built around their house, so they both kind of blend into one. The house itself is simple, and it's apparent where they put their money and efforts: the school and the children that attend. There are now 6 children that board at Swifts, of which Mama Safia entirely supports financially. She says she especially wants to take in children that are from poorer neighborhoods that can't afford private schooling, that live in abusive families or just plain bad living conditions. For these students that she supports financially, she provides everything from living space and education to three meals a day and bath towels. "When I see that one of them has holes in the shoes, I buy them a new pair." She is honestly one of those people that you call "mama" or "motherly" and mean it completely. She is so caring and pleasant and I'd even say wise.

In her own words exactly,
"What I can, I do. What I can't, I leave."

By the way, this is Lashma. :)

X - Xenophobia

2009-07-27T03:32:00.000-07:00

Two Mondays ago was the first day of classes for the government schools, and suddenly there was a new wave of children on the streets. “Mzungu! Mzungu! Shikamoo, mzungu!” Mzungu is the Swahili word for “white person” or “foreigner.” I’m told it doesn’t carry much of a negative connotation, but it definitely stems from a visual difference: the way we look. I also get, “Mchina, mchina!! Hoi hoi hoi!”… Mchina meaning “person that comes from China” and the “hoi hoi hoi” an imitation of Asian language. I can’t say I’ve ever been discriminated much against racially, save the occasional Asian or “World War II” joke, so it’s a strange feeling to walk around every day and feel different because someone or another points it out. . . a group of children in forest green school sweaters and black & white striped socks, a man hanging out of a daladala (cheap local transportation), a toddler barely able to walk clutching his mother’s hand . . . and even when it’s not said outright, you can feel it from the stares, the body language. . . it’s just a weird feeling. It wears you out. It’d get to the point where I just couldn’t respond to the children I passed at the government school, or else I’d snap. Any word that left my lips would be imitated in high voices. I felt mocked, and although that may not have been the intention, it upset me.

The photograph above is from a teacher workshop we held at Themi Secondary. The theme of the alphabet was History, and my group had S, T, U, V, W, and X.

S – Slaves
T – Trade
U – Union
V – Violence
W – Weapons
X – Xenophobia

(History alphabets in Tanzania are dominantly about War or Trade, every time.)

We got stuck on X and resorted to the dictionary, where one of the teachers found Xhote (a language spoken in South Africa) and Xenophobia. They chose the latter, simply because it’d be easy to photograph because hey-we’ve-got-a-mzungu-right-here! “You be in the picture, that’s easy!” (sigh) As in all LTP shootings, we try to give as little direction as possible to the actual construction of the image, so I was told what to do. Nick happened to be nearby, and just as they were about to shoo him out of the frame, they issued him back.

The image is comical, but also unsettling. I know that some people actually do feel this way about visitors. “Go back to your own country, we don’t want you here,” I was told on the street one day. To be fair, this was said after I refused to buy something, but the comment still stuck in my brain. Often I feel welcome, but there is almost always this tension, a mistrust or wariness. Of course I don’t go around stretching out my hand toward people aggressively (as the picture may suggest) but I look at it and see it as symbolic of one view of this type of international social service. I guess the key is to recognize when somebody doesn’t need or want you to be there. In most cases, I would say I’ve felt welcomed and appreciated, so long as I am open and flexible to things such as a constantly changing schedule (or complete disregard for “schedule”), cultural differences, and misunderstandings. When the approach is positive as such, it is no longer “service,” but more of an interaction between people learning from each other.

Chai/More about my homestay

2009-07-27T03:14:00.000-07:00

JULY 21, 2009

Sitting in my room, sipping from white mug of chai ya maziwa. I love the milk color of it, like some sort of melted sweet. Spiced with ginger and a tiny bit of pepper. Kept warm by a Simba thermos. Thermoses... memory of lunchboxes and soup ~ chicken noodle or vegetable kept warm inside a thermos, and eating it out of the dual-purpose lid/bowl... losing a tooth in my sandwich... my mind has been remembering so much these past 6 weeks. Things from long ago, things from immediately before departure... just about everything that I could possibly recollect. Things I haven't thought about in years. Years. The other day I actually forgot how old I was. A fifteen second dilemma... I had to actually go search my mind to remember. Do you see the transformations my mind is taking? Time is irrelevant, yet it stares me down in the face. My departure is imminent and people I've met are starting to ask me about it. . . "You'll keep in touch, won't you? You won't forget us? Many people come here and leave and forget but me, I never forget. A friend is a friend for life."

JULY 24, 2009
Mama Safia has arrived home! I finally got to meet her and she is wonderful. I like her very much. On the first night of her arrival, she had cooked up a delicious eggplant dish and I told her I loved it (I did!). The next night, I arrived home and saw that she had waited for me so that she could teach me how to make eggplant. Oil, onions, eggplant, tomatoes, salt ~ so simple, yet so delicious. Although I wish I hadn't seen her pour the oil... so much more than I'm used to. "Now you are eating what you have made! It is enjoyable, yes?" she said, beaming at my small cooking achievement.
After dinner, Abdi came in and I showed him that I had tied back my hair without him having to remind me. He smiled but then looked concerned. "Even the other day I have found a piece of your hair there!" (points to table where we eat). "Ahhh. Very bad for health." I joked that it must have been his hair (which is almost nonexistent and gray) to which he laughed and shook his head. Very amused ^_^

The space where we eat dinner/watch TV. You can see the table, couch, curtains (same as in my room), and a little Tanzanian flag on the corner table. It's cozy.

Swiftie Schooool

2009-07-21T05:37:00.000-07:00

WRITTEN JULY 15, 2009

You know how some blogs have a place where you can write the title of the song you're listening to? Well, I am humming to myself:

** moo o oooon r i v e r . . . wider than a mile. . . **

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Film photograph taken by Lashma, Standard 6 student at Swifts

The students of Standard 6 at Swifts (where I worked and now live*) are the first ever to do film/take-a-camera-home in Arusha. Generally we use digital since film is outdated, but that means the kids don't get to take the cameras home. I got the film photos developed the other day and picked them up on the way to Swifts School. Sitting in the front seat of the taxi, I passed this one quickly as I looked through each roll. There doesn’t seem to be much that catches the eye. I remember noticing the word “Baby” and the baby’s face on that package, but that’s about it. When I arrived at Swifts, I handed back the developed photos and as always, excitement filled the room as seven pairs of eager eyes slid over each photograph.

One of the rolls had been taken with the theme of “Community at Swifts.” It was a spontaneous project that stemmed from having extra film on one of the film cameras that was thought to be broken. When we realized it was in fact working, we decided to finish the roll together. Each of the students (there were 7 present out of 8) took at least two and Teacher Kim and I took some as well. We came out with a dynamic roll and had a lot of fun with it. When I brought these photos back, the students were especially excited because they had all played a part in it. We made two posters and filled them with photos the students selected and what they chose to write about each one.

One of the Swifts School Posters upon Completion

I wish I could express how I felt inside: Happy? Excited? Beaming. Everything came together so nicely and after working with this particular class for so long, I can safely say that I feel a wonderful connection to the students and each personality. Lucky, holding back a smile. Warda, unable to keep from smiling and squirming in her seat when we enter the room. Agatha’s quiet and calm demeanor. And Lashma, this girl is outgoing and bolder than some of the others. After we had finished up the posters, she ran up to me with a huge smile and handed me a photograph. “This is me on my birthday and I was feeding cake to my dad. I like it very much.” I could hardly speak. “Isn’t this really special to you? Are you sure you want me to have it?” . . . “Yes. I have another one, don’t worry.” I stammered out a thank you, flipped it over, and saw that the negative was attached to the back. This was something I was going to keep, something I would treasure. She also gave me a necklace that she fastened around my neck herself. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of joy at the generosity of this young girl, but I don’t even know if generosity is the right word. The photograph that she gave me obviously was special to her, and she chose to give me a copy. It made me feel such a warmth and acceptance that I will remember.

HOWEVER, later I started to feel guilty. Why should I, an almost complete stranger, be given something that means so much to this girl? Who am I to deserve that? In 3 weeks, I will leave this beautiful place . . . I couldn't help but feel a little solemn contemplating this. I don't want to be that girl that volunteers somewhere, then just packs up, "oh hey everything was great," and disappears. . .

It wasn’t until later that I realized (through Wendy’s eyes) that the photograph Lashma gave me is in the picture I am writing about, which is why I wrote about it.

The photograph that Lashma gave me

Photograph of me & Teacher Kim + Lashma's writing

. . .respect to everybody. . .

"we are looking when the sky were blue"

Homestays

2009-07-14T06:02:00.000-07:00

FROM MY JOURNAL, JULY 14th
Just arrived back at Swifts ~ my new homestay* location. Farida greeted me at the gate. She has the sweetest disposition, as does Zara, Mohamed's younger sister. She's 14 and is now away at school in Dar es Salaam, so for now Farida and I are the only girls around until Mama Sophia gets home. (I can't help but notice this as my company is usually just 2 Somali men.) I walked to my room to put my stuff down and upon entering the "baby" classroom (to which my room is connected) I was greeted by 8 or 9 pairs of wide children's eyes, all standing on a mat facing the same direction. I said hello, how are you, what are you doing... no sooner had they responded "praying," I felt silly for asking & apologized for interrupting. Once I closed the door behinid me, they resumed & have been praying ever seince. It's been about 15 minutes perhaps. Mohamed is out there with them now.
... Power's out. It's interesting...none of the children made a single sound, there was no break in the praying. No one reacted, just continued on. I was just thinking how when the power goes out in the states, children scream, people pause. . .

Children studying by lamplight while the power was out.

I am very much enjoying my stay so far. Mohamed has displaced himself from his room for these 2 weeks giving me a place to sleep...and a very comfortable place at that. The bed is large and although I can feel the boards beneath the mattress, it's quite comfortable. The walls are white and the curtains blue & white.

I don't actually spend that much time here because I wake up early to go to schools~ this week is primary gov't schools ~ and then I don't come back till after music class around 6 or 7. Dinner's late, and then it's pretty much conversation & straight to bed. It's not hard to fall asleep, and the first night I even fell asleep with the lights on (sound familiar papi?)

The "baby" classroom that's connected to my room. I used to work here, now I sleep here.

Mohamed's father is a very interesting guy. He tells me to call him Abdi (the family name). He is very tall and stout and has a large voice. He tells me I don't ever eat enough and makes me tie my hair back when I eat -- it's bad for my health." He is always wearing some type of Maasai plaid around his waist like a long skirt. Mohamed says his father grew up with Maasai, although they are Somalian and speak Somali with each other. We talked about Germany today since I explained that I am half. Regarding the fall of the Berlin Wall he says, "Even I was happy on that day. I was so heppy," and also believes that what America did to Germany after World War 2 was unfair. We ate dinner by lamplight, for the power was still out. The three of us went outside with our flashlights after that and continued talking. I exclaimed something happily about how beautiful the stars look as the night deepens and he chuckled. Mohamed elbows me & says "He knows all about the stars, he grew up Maasai, remember?" "YES," Abdi explains, "The Maasai people can tell many things from the stars. . . if it going to rain, if there will be hunger, a drought..." "And they are never wrong," Mohamed adds. I took several long-shutter exposures to try to capture the sheer beauty that I see at night, but my hands were shaky. Then I realized I could do a makeshift "tripod" by placing a textbook (I live at a school!) on the ground and the camera facing straight up. Whisssskk whirrrrr. .. . .

and that is how I captured the starlight.

Tiny fireflies**
in the jar that is my camera. :)

p.s. You can see Mars ^.^

Animal Money

2009-07-13T04:52:00.000-07:00

Something I took note of at the very beginning of the trip that I just started thinking about again yesterday. . . Tanzanian currency. Every bill has an animal on it, excepting the 1000 bill which has a picture of J.K. Nyerere (the first president of Tanzania). Elephants, lions, rhinos... I find it quite awesome, not to mention indicative of the value animals hold in this country. :)

Jambo Tena

2009-07-11T05:01:00.000-07:00

It's nice to be back in Arusha, which is now the "familiar." Walked around town for a good portion of the day. Nick, Andrew, and I ordered sweaters before we left for Mandaka and we picked them up today. They are striped like the Tanzanian flag: green at the top, yellow/black/yellow stripe in the middle, and blue at the bottom. They're only sold in child sizes, so we went to a shop in a nearby market called Kilombero. It's more of a local scene, not many foreigners shop here. For this reason, it is a favorite because if we use Swahili we can get a good price and people aren't trying to rip you off. And the produce is beyond amazing. During our last week of Swahili lessons, Godson & Beatrice took us to the "Masai Market" where they are more accustomed to tourists... I asked for 1 bunch of mchicha (spinach) and was told elfu moja (1000 Tsh). Although this is the equivalent of less than $1, the normal price is less than a third of that. Today Esther and I bought 3 bunches for 300, no bargaining necessary. It was a nice moment, but maybe the feeling of that moment doesn't quite come across through text. It's not about the actual money of course, it's about the feeling of acceptance in such a beautiful culture. When you first arrive, it's challenging because you just feel so out of place. To feel more comfortable and respected is an awesome feeling.

Homestays start tomorrow. I am staying with the family of a friend I met early on this trip. His name is Mohamed and he is my age. I wish I could express how funny this situation will be. I will be living right next to Swifts School, the one I worked at for one week that I grew to love. (His family runs it.) Since it was both a primary and preschool, working with the "baby class" (as they call it) was one of my favorite things to do. I'd take in tons of photographs and books with images and show them to the 3-5 year olds. Their responses were never boring and it always amazed me how they never lost interest in looking and identifying what they saw. My favorite thing to drink here is fresh passion juice. And I still love my henna :)

I'll leave you with some more photos, as I recently developed a whole bunch. These are from Mandaka and Zanzibar.

Zanzibar ~

2009-07-09T08:24:00.000-07:00

Just got back after spending the weekend on the island of Zanzibar. A simply beautiful experience. We spent the first day/night in Stonetown, walking around the winding streets and narrow alleyways, senses overwhelmed by the smells of various spices and oils. The water was a bright blue and the beaches a beautiful white. A wonderful vacation after a week of 6-hour workshops and no showers. We spend the next 2 nights at a beach called Kendwa Rocks where we just barely missed the Full Moon Party. Highlights: sinking my toes into the wet beach sand, finding tiny pink plumeria flowers scattered on the beds, getting my first henna tattoo outside of the House of Wonders, having a conversation (although one-sided) with a crab, and sitting underneath the big black sky and staring at the moon and stars for hours.

Big skies help me breathe.

Mandaka

2009-07-06T01:03:00.003-07:00

FRIDAY, JULY 3, 2009

Spent the week at Mandaka Teachers College at the slopes of Kilimanjaro, teaching LTP to teachers who teach how to teach. In retrospect, it was quite beautiful...large grassy fields, animals all around (chickens, goats, cows (and *baby cows!*), pigs, etc.) and the big blue (or black) sky visible at all times. The living condition was interesting in that it was quite a novel experience. Each room about the size of a small closet with just a bed, a clothesline, and a small window that allowed a sliver of light to illuminate the quarters. Oh, and a curtain for a door. Regardless of the size of the space, I actually really enjoyed myself (aside from not showering once for an entire...that gets irritating for the skin, but it was my own choice). The workshops went well in the end and we were warmly thanked with a huge banquet of food ~ chicken, goat meat, wali (rice), mchicha (spinach**my favorite), and many slices of machungwa (oranges!) [p.s. I think it is very "izu" of me to post about food~ grandma, I love you!!]. The hospitality you'll find in Tanzania is very welcome, the word being "Karibu" which I've found really means much more than just "Welcome." When I think "Welcome," I think of a worn welcome mat or a formal address at a ceremony of sorts. "Karibu sana" carries more of a "You are very welcome here," a deep acceptance, a "please feel at home," no worries, pole pole.

We also had this really old broken down bus that seated about 15 (but we found out could hold about 30). The seats were a dark red almost burgundy and the frame rusty. We liked to go inside the bus at dusk and take pictures or just sit and talk. You could barely see anything through the back window because it was so dirty and literally speckled with dark spots. There was always pretty light inside the bus, but also a ton of mosquitos so I could only sit in there for so long. It is a nice memory, so I thought I'd share it.

I am happy to sleep in a bed that won't squeak at the slightest movement tonight. :)

Safari

2009-06-28T23:55:00.000-07:00

Not the internet browser...the real deal. Riding in a car with a top hatch, zebras, wildebeast, ostriches, elephants, lions, warthogs all around, land stretching for miles, your breath being

ta k en **
* a w a y .. ... . . . .

I've never seen such things before. We got to spend a day at the Ngorongoro Crater and a morning/afternoon at Tarangire. We leave for Mandaka (a teacher's college at the slopes of Kilimanjaro) in an hour, so I have no time to write about it, but I promise to upon return. For now, I leave you with a funny quote and a sneak peek of photographs to come.

A boy runs up to Andrew after music class and says in a low voice
"Teacher, Sorry about Michael Jackson."
(Godfrey, a 4th grade boy with a knack for making up his own lyrics and rapping them)

Photos from Ngorongoro:

A pack of baboons greeted us upon entering the park. This one's eyes are particularly catching.

We came across an elephant at a watering hole. Notice the hippos to the left, backs just poking out of the water. I could have watched this elephant eat for hours. . . literally. Could have sat there. For hours. And just watched.

The beautiful stripes of zebras~ these guys seem to be everywhere.

The road that stretches for miles in the crater.

Close-up of a female ostrich's feathers.

One word: Simba.

Black & White

2009-06-28T23:41:00.002-07:00

Got my roll of black & white film developed. Here a few of my favorites, plus more here. (Click to see larger)

& possibly my favorite shot ~ from a random morning protest of hundreds of children marching through the streets.

Spoke too soon.

2009-06-25T08:11:00.000-07:00

"Hey look, I've been eating things without washing my hands first and I don't really care anymore. Maybe I'm getting used to living real life." (*laughs*)

...

So.

This was Tuesday afternoon, right after walking home from a long day at school, and I bought an orange on the street which is what prompted me to say this. . . . . . Here is an excerpt from my journal the next day:

Today I was sick. Very sick. Nausea, vomiting, the works (trust me). . . definitely from something I ate. All I've been able to stomach is plain bread and tea. . . and even that doesn't go too well. Recently, Harun has been trying to get me to text in only Swahili and today we had a short conversation. With my not-so-excellent skills, I explained "siendi Arusha shuleni. mimi ni mgongwa." (I am not going to Arusha School. I am sick person.) He brought me some herbs to make tea, literally a bowl of huge green leaves to be boiled in water. Mama Guta came to check up on me and she's just such a warm person. She left me saying "God cure you. . . you understand?" with the biggest smile on her face. "Ndiyo," I replied, "na Asanta Sana" (Yes, and Thank You).

She laughed some more since I used Swahili and closed the door behind her. Harun is Guta's son, by the way. He's about my age (I believe) and does a lot for us. When Harun came over to give me tea, we talked for hours (maybe?) because I told him that I felt worse when I was alone because I'd have nothing to focus on except my uneasy state. Here is another part of my journal entry that day:

My favorite thing is the pace of life here. Even when we're spending 7-hour days at the school, the downtime between classes is great. And during the downtime we talk. We talk about all kinds of things. School, relatives, languages, history, religion, music, dancing, cooking . .. . just all sorts of things, and it's all so much less superficial it seems. I don't feel like having a conversation is a chore, it's just genuinely engaging.

So, I got sick and learned my lesson (it wasn't FROM the orange...I don't think I could bare to part with those delicious things) but it really wasn't all that bad. The time spent talking to the people around me is what got me through.

Brief Update

2009-06-23T07:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we started working at the individual schools. Our days are essentially 8:00 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. at Swifts (Emily & I) and then 4:00 to 5:00 at Arusha School. As you can probably imagine, it is tiring beyond belief but I seriously do enjoy every moment of it. Andrew and I are working together leading a music after school program...with a twist. We're doing more of song-writing/lyric-writing/beat-boxing and RAPPING. :D It's going to be amazing. They can already make the "TSSS" and the "KKUH!" sounds quite well.

An image in words to leave you with:
* * Over 40 children in a tiny classroom clapping
"ONE! TWO! THREE! FOUR! ** TSS, TSS, TSS, TSSS"

The Alphabet Project

2009-06-18T07:16:00.000-07:00

The Alphabet Project is a favorite of LTP. With this project, we create visual alphabets using photographs, usually polaroids which leave the perfect amount of space to write the letter and the word below it. We start by choosing a topic: History, Geography, Science, Music, Kiswahili, French, etc. From there we list A-Z and come up with words that relate to the topic we chose. We did this as a group activity yesterday during a teacher workshop, so we split up the letters with History as our overarching topic. The group I worked with got A, B, C, D, E, and F.

The entire alphabet looked like this:

The idea with this project is that it reinforces learning in many ways. Visual aids are much stronger than route memorization, and creating those visuals yourself solidifies memory and is a much more active approach to learning new things. For example, last year students here in Tanzania used this project to learn verbs for French class. Instead of writing down a list of verbs and their translations, they acted out each verb they were learning and took a photograph for each. Not only do you remember the word and its meaning, but the very act of creating the photograph makes the students (or anyone who creates the photo) more active in their learning and exploring, rather than sitting passively inside of a classroom.

After assembling the alphabet onto the chalkboard, everyone in the room (including me) chose one letter to write about: a memory, a definition, a story, anything to go along with the word, concept, photograph. When we were done, we read some aloud. As always, it was intriguing to hear what each person had to say. I was smiling.

LTP is about engaging in the world around you and exploring your own ways of seeing and thinking, rather than seeing and thinking the way that someone else wants you to. It's about embracing your thoughts and opinions and dreams and sharing them with others. And when we interact in such a way, the confines of dichotomies such as "teacher/student" "insider/outsider" are broken down and we can begin to see that not only is our own ways of thinking valid;

e v e r y o n e ' s
i s .

Mosquito: Hapana, sitaki.

2009-06-18T07:04:00.000-07:00

5:25 a.m.
I have woken up to the sound of a mosquito flying around inside my net, jolting me out of bed. I snuggled back in for a few minutes once I thought it might be gone, but the bugger was still there. It is so quiet outside that I could hear its buzz all too clearly in my ears. I don't have to wake up for 4 more hours but now I am too anxious to get back in bed. Even if they aren't inside the net (which hasn't happened before until now), you can hear them buzzing around outside the net if you aren't asleep. And I am no longer asleep.

Explanation of post title: There's a phrase we learned in Swahili school to keep street vendors at bay: "Hapana, sitaki," or "No, I do not want." If you speak in the native language, people will respect you.

6:55 a.m.
The whole incident made me think (as I am still awake and left with my thoughts and the sounds of Arusha waking up): You can put up a net, build a wall, "live in a bubble" - anything that protects yourself from something on the outside, literally or metaphorically - and still, that something always gets in. What does that say about building the wall?

Arusha School Photos (film)

2009-06-16T07:41:00.000-07:00

more here:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/myheartsiiings/

as always, enjoy :)

Haraka haraka haina baracka

2009-06-15T03:20:00.000-07:00

I just walked to the Patisserie (the internet café) by myself for the first time. Albeit, I was practically across the street, but it was still my first time walking alone. The weekend was an eventful one... it's funny how the words "eventful" and "busy" are so relative. When I'm busy back home, I am running around with so many things to do, but here "busy" is actually really laid back. We visited the Arusha National Park yesterday where I saw all sorts of animals: monkeys, baboons, giraffes, zebras, wildebeasts, and all kinds of birds. (Yes, I will post some pictures!) A woman asked me to take a picture of her and her child at the top of a small hill, to then be emailed to her, which I obliged. Her name was Queen and she was very beautiful, the word in Swahili being "wazuri."

We've done two teacher workshops so far which went really well. We did exercises in reading photographs and telling stories from photographs. The actual photo part of the workshop was on "Misemo" (Swahili proverbs). The first day, we chose "When elephants fight, the grass suffers." Mary and Rosemary chose to explain this proverb through a story about two parents that fight and have many miscommunications. The mother finally takes off, leaving the children to suffer. They took 3 pictures to tell the story. The second day, we chose "Haraka haraka haini baracka" (Haste haste has no blessing.) Mohamed and Stewart chose to create this proverb using 2 photographs: one of a person holding too much stuff in his hands, walking very fast, about to trip; the second of the same person fallen on the ground, papers flying in the air to show that he had just fallen. I will keep that proverb in mind for the rest of my life, with those images in my head.

I learn so much every day, how could I not be excited for tomorrow?

(the following photo for pronoy :)

***

2009-06-10T01:49:00.001-07:00

OH MY GOODNESS. I haven't smiled that big in a long time. I'm not kidding.

Today we visited the Arusha School to meet the kids for the first time. It's just one of the schools we'll be working at but it's extremely close to our apartments. As three of us walked toward the entrance, a group of tiny kids (probably kindergarten or the equivalent) saw us through the fence and started yelling "Hi! hi! hi! .. hiiii!" A few ran up to the gate and walked alongside us. They were smiling SO big, how could I not smile back?? The second we stepped foot onto the campus, the entire group swarmed us, a few of the braver ones grabbing my hands and skirt and smiling up at me. I felt so big, so I knelt down and as I did so, one of the boys knelt too just because I was doing it, maintaining the height difference that I just tried to eliminate. They kept calling us "teacher, teacher" and smiling and laughing and smiling. The smile on MY face lasted a good 5 minutes. I was completely overcome by an overwhelming feeling of joy. It was cleansing, it was beautiful, it was so real.

We had to leave the kids at an archway in the bushes, because we were coming to see the older bunch of kids. I didn't want to leave them, but the next group greeted us with the same kind of love, although with slightly more hesitation at first. We essentially just ran around and played games for an hour and a half, just getting familiar with each other and having fun. There is no word better than "swarm" to describe how I felt in the center of the biggest, loudest group hug I've ever experienced, and this happened multiple times. By the end, all the girls were giving me kisses on the cheek to say goodbye. "Teacher, teacher, a kiss please, come" and so I'd lean down a tiny bit and they'd kiss me on the cheek... sometimes more than once. Right before we left, Irene handed a note to Esther and me and I felt that I could just explode with happiness.

Mimi ni mwanafunzi wa Kiswahili

2009-06-09T05:29:00.000-07:00

I am a student of Swahili!

Began Swahili lessons today! Our teachers are Godson and Beatrice, and they are really kind. They give us chai (=tea, not the flavor) during our break. I'm not sure if I ever clarified, but "jambo" means hello in Kiswahili, although the proper word is "hujambo." However, I've noticed that most people use the slang "Mambo" (what's up) with a response of "Poa" (cool). I can put together a few phrases so far...

Jina langu ni Marissa. ( My name is Marissa )
Habari za safari? ( What news of/How was your journey? )
Mimi si mdudu. ( I am not an insect )

The apartments lay right in the middle of a low-key neighborhood full of local families and shopkeepers, so the walk into town is always pleasant. Now that a few days have passed, we walk in smaller groups, but soon we will be able to venture out alone (only during the daytime) if we want to.

Like I sensed at the airport, Pelle is awesome. He was one of the two teachers that came to an LTP workshop in Durham as part of the Sister Cities program. (Durham & Arusha are sister cities.) Since then, he's been the guy behind most of the LTP coordination here in Arusha. He's an artist himself and is just such an extremely warm person -- he's already invited my family to visit him in Salzburg if we get a chance to! I enjoyed a long conversation with him at dinner the other night (Ethiopian food!)

Been cooking every day. We pick up produce on the way back from town or Swahili lessons to our apartments. I've discovered that it's something I really enjoy when a) I'm making for other people to enjoy and b) we're cooking together. Someone called me the "head cook" or something to that extent today, and I laughed. Who woulda thought?

the first moments

2009-06-08T00:23:00.001-07:00

SATURDAY, JUNE 6, 2009 3:40 p.m.
(Sometimes I will write on my computer without internet & post them later)

Hujambo from Arusha!

I can't even think where to begin right now. We arrived last night and already it's been such an awesome experience. Pelle (our on the ground coordinator) is the sweetest. When he saw me at the airport, he said "You sent me picture!" and gave me a huge smile and hug. I slept under the mosquito net last night which was actually kinda fun. I got to tuck myself in after crawling under an opening. I'm pretty tired today because I couldn't sleep till 2 a.m. and awoke at 5 a.m. from roosters crowing, dogs whimpering, and the call to prayer. It reminded me of Turkey. The apartment is CHARMING and I've already taken pictures.

I just got my Tanzanian cell phone. I'm not quite sure how it all works yet, but I know it's free (for me) if anyone calls my phone, and free for the other person if I call them.

The pace of life is so much slower here... I mean, you could almost say that the motto here is "Hakuna Matata" ~ strangers on the street greet us with "mambo, hakuna matata," literally "what's up, no worries." It's quite amazing to settle into such a lifestyle, almost a relief.

Jambo Arusha.

Arrival

2009-06-07T01:32:00.000-07:00

my scribbled account of the journey from the airport to arusha:

kilimanjaro.
dark black night
the refreshing breeze after 38 hours of living in air ports & planes
the hum of the wheels on the road below
headlights
the moon shining brightly, almost full
no other light, save the occasional building
figures, walking talking breathing in & out
fields of clouds and crops, racing
tree spirits, whispers
vast
deep
s t r e t c h i n g s k y
the clinking of cold glass bottles
bougainvilla flowers
& the screeching of branches against the window

turn
out
the
lights.

"DREAMS"

2009-06-04T01:09:00.000-07:00

“As photographers and writers, we are observers and recorders of the world, real and imagined. Who we are and where we stand when we watch the world determines how we see and what we record.”
~ Wendy Ewald

Wendy Ewald’s work is something incredible to me. Throughout every reading, I found myself underlining and highlighting often, going through color after color in my box of pens. At times, I had to resist the urge to highlight everything in a paragraph. So much of what she writes about, especially her attitudes toward childhood and education, pertain to the things that truly interest me the most, the things which I am most passionate about: children and art forms and free expression. With Literacy Through Photography, she fuses all these concepts into one project. I had heard about LTP and understood what it was about on a basic level, but after reading the assigned passages, I am in awe of the material I am delving into. Reading can sometimes be a dry task, but I read every word of the Portraits & Dreams and Secret Games excerpts as if drinking cold water on a sticky warm day, or hot green tea on a winter afternoon (a more appropriate and palpable comparison for current weather conditions!)

Visual recollecting has always been an extremely beautiful and essential thing for me. Whether through the camera lens or paintbrushes or pen on paper, the most noticeable theme is a recollection of the visual, of what I see in my world. I have written about events, people, situations, but especially about feelings and emotions. When people ask me if I write, I usually say no, because I never sit down with the intention to formally write. It comes to me at moments when I feel something huge or see something interesting or troubling or breathtaking. I catch my breath between the words I scribble out. I usually like to write with pens on paper, because when I see my handwriting, I am even more confident in my individuality. As Ewald says, the way we see is unique. The same way that I see the way that only I see, I write the way that only I write.

There is undoubtedly something in the quality of sight that is remarkable – not to say that the other sensory perceptions are less remarkable but merely that I will focus on sight for the time being. “Seeing comes before words. The child looks and recognizes before it can speak.” As I child, I was always looking around me. I was fortunate to be surrounded by overwhelmingly positive visual stimulation and encouraged toward free expression, enthusiasm, and openness. That was my experience, which I am able to share with the world, but what of the thousands, millions, billions of experiences of other children around the world?

What we find is that children are encouraged less often than we (LTP enthusiasts, perhaps) would like to explore and own their experience. There’s this unspoken pressure on children to be more passive because of a fictional ideology that says they serve no “real purpose” in society. Sometimes in the case of privileged children, it’s that “bubble” Ewald talks about, that “frightening comfort zone” that is safe but limiting. In solution she saw it as her job to recognize the uniqueness of each child’s vision, nurture this vision, and acknowledge that it is THEIR experience which they can actively participate in and explore.

Ultimately, the overall message of Ewald’s work can be applied to all age groups, all people. In theory, “adults” become victim to that passive existence as well, perhaps even more so than children. The media and the world governed by the “spectacle” have produced people who are less and less likely to explore their world. Finding truths out for oneself has become replaced by spoon-fed “truths” fueled and reinforced by mass media and powers that control popular visual culture. It’s times when the complexities and doldrums of such life get me down, and I return to the basics: nature, small pleasures, silence, and quiet meditation.

I will admit that I was expecting this first reflection to be easy to write, but in writing here, I realize that I am slightly dissatisfied. There is just so much I’d like to say and comment on, so many neglected notes scribbled in the margins, so many thoughts that have not been manifested onto this sheet of paper, that I feel like there are holes everywhere. You will read what I have written, but there are still so many thoughts swirling around inside my head. My frame isn’t big enough to fit my whole story, but then again no medium will ever be big enough to fit a person’s entire collection of thought. Ewald’s words are reassuring though:

“If you’re far enough away to see everything, you’re too far to understand anything.”

Maybe expression is just that: a tiny glimpse of what the person is really about, and the glimpse will never get bigger because no one’s head is really that simple. And you’ll never need to feel sorry about what you don’t see or know, because what you see is what someone chose to show, and that should be enough. Sometimes we just don’t know we have that much in ourselves, as Ewald saw in the case of some children she encountered. In such a case, all we need is to be able to recognize and understand that all of us have something to say, and that the powers to say so are in our own hands.

So perhaps the urge to release more thoughts onto paper will become too overwhelming and another moment will come along and spark me to write it or photograph it or paint it or doodle it, breathing between each word, each click, each stroke, each line ~ returning to the rhythms of the soul and of the universe. . . like those kids in Appalachia, breathing themselves through the lens into the face of a total stranger such as myself. I will probably never meet Denise Dixon or Allen Shepherd or Robert Dean Smith, but for a moment they have lived right there before my eyes and I have seen their faces.

~

Written this past January for my Literacy Through Photography class. A little bit of background/my initial thoughts about LTP.

watoto - children

2009-05-30T16:05:00.000-07:00

Learning new words & awaiting the arrival of my pocket dictionary. We will be starting Swahili lessons the first week we arrive which continues for a few weeks, but I'm trying to get a feel for pronunciations and simple words before I leave. I hope to become proficient enough to be able to speak to people, because that is where I feel so much of the experience will lie. Interactions, conversations, people-to-people!

My essentials:
. journals
. stationery
. cameras
. lots & lots of film
. photographs of people i love & will miss
. an open open open mind

I keep my loves close to my heart as I prepare to depart.

HELLO, WORLD

Learning the Ukulele * !

Mree *

Holocene ~ Bon Iver

Still Point ~ Duke Out of the Blue * * *

Love*

Anima*tion Imagination

~*~

A friend of the flowers~

Day of Birth*~

Love the Earth Film!

Haiku*

Suki Meets Frank

"Grow Till Tall"

"covered in stars"

Jónsi !!!

because i'm from the U.S.A.

SUKI IS ALIVE !!!!

morning light ** la luce della mattina :)

Ritornerò in Italiaaaa !!

we are all made of stardust !! cosmic unveiling . . . ! * *

simple words & memories

Purkinje Cells, Brains, & ...TREES !

this will make your jaw drop *

SOLAR FLARES

for your eyes, your beautiful eyes

Blink*

Star-like *

We are all made of stardust **

Circles & The Number 8

winter! **

Meet Inkiko *(^.^)* !!

Japanese!!

***

Once in a Blue Moon!

light from my camera **

Buon Natale, Mondo!

I knew it !!

Memories in Visual Form

The Soul

Neve.

Tiny Worlds **

Thanksgiving, Italian/Filo-Style

Book Arts ~ "L'arte del libro"

Fairies, Sparks, Ideas **

I swim in music.

il vento (the wind)

One-Line stories

**

inspired by music & the sea

just remembering...

A fantastic song

:o)

Sun & Water

Dear Tanzania

Oops...

BLUE . YELLOW . RED

just sitting

Family ** 家族

Meet Suki ^.^

reflection on photography

l'italiano

Tiny kitchen, endless possibilities.

inspiration

a beautiful thought.

Painting

Magic. ***

Ciao, Firenze

"This happened."

From Blue Walls to Pink

Airmail

Musiki!

Swifty SCOO

a good moment.

Haraka haraka haina baracka

( s h a d o w s )

"Behind the Scenes"

SWIFTS CLASS 6

X - Xenophobia

Chai/More about my homestay

Meet Inkiko (^.^) !!